I have read this novel over four times or say five times..and each time I finish the novel I feel pang and it hangs on my head for so many days. Why guilt is so painful that made such a strong woman called Sakambari to suicide..or die…??
The novel has a wonderful language..the simplest of all. When I had read it for the first time..to tell the truth that I hadn’t really understood the novel, I felt the love story in it and I could not understand the passion in the novel.. But this day I may say I am able to figure out the passion and the feelings of the author..
I really appreciate the wonderful story, the plot the real setting, the real characters…and the situation of the novel till it ends. The pain of running away from the feelings and passion. When the Suyogbir says.."Ma glass ma bhagchu” ( I forgot the line exactly…). The feeling is that we run away from pain…because we want to forget the pain..pain that we are suffering in our life.
What makes the old Suyogbir..the most flirty guy..to fall in love with his friend’s sister…who is half of his age..Sakambari..the character in the novel..seems to be such a strong woman..who is an atheist..who lives her life in her own way…The way she wants…The way she has been living..The inscet eating Sungavas…like whom she is…When she says “Jharnai parcha bhane afno iccha le jharne” ( still I forgot her words..) The book is here in front of me..
I found this underlined..which obviously I have done.. “Bari pani kehi rahasya lukaudi ho. Dhuwa ko Muslo bhitra ki awasya bari bhagdi ho dhuwa ma rangmangiyera”. These are the exact words of Suyogbir in the novel which expresses the feelings..that Bari has preserved. At this very moment I remember my friend Suraj, who have asked whether I know the reality. Then I got the impression of the truth behind the novel, Parijat herself..and her perfect blend of the fact….the truth of her own life…her own passion..the hidden truth..Then I understood the above lines..clearly..crystal clear…!!!
But I won’t tell the truth as well because I might be wrong to analyze the writer’s creation with the personal..that would be totally injustice..if I did that. So, I assume that I have understood all those symbolical words..hidden symbols..hidden passions..hidden..truth…and hideen Parijat above all..and thats awesome.
The most eluding thing about the novel is the flow of passion…the passion of Suyogbir..the passion of Bari and yes the passion of Bari’s brother..I forgot the name..Shanker??? no its Shivaraj…The novel is full of passion..and if we know one thing then all thing becomes crystal clear…but that one thing I would not like…share it here…(Perhaps people know about it like my friend knew)
The novel really made me cry..and I always do this..Whenever I read I can’t control my trembling heart..I feel palpitation in my heart..and a serious pang…at the end when Suyogbir says…."Meri Sakambari ! Aba malai Sarirbhari Khopera Hidna maan lageko cha, Jeewan ko Asafaltha ho, Yo Jewan ko durbhagya ho, Manis yesai pani dhuki cha , usai pani dukhi ! sadhai ritto hath, ritto maan farkana abhyesta manche ma rittai farke”…….( right now too I am tearful ) The english transaltion would be done by Holmes..I am feeling sleepy..
But the feeling I want to write…these lines give a pang in my heart…how much has the failure in love accounted to Suyogbir..he has been tragic…so that he wants to hurt himself…and give him the physical pain..he even says at one instance..that loving Sakambari was more painful than his suffering there at Death-Valley…
Love’s great…Love’s worst…This must be the worst part of love..which covers..love itself..the unexpressed feelings..the lust..the sexual passion..the inner hidden desires…the LOVE itself….the tragedy…
This tragedy broke my feelings…really made me kneel down and cry at the failure of a man’s love..which he could never make his..the guilt Sakambari…feels and unnatural death…The biggest faliure…pang in my heart……painfull…agony…and I am in tears right now too.
When I sit up and listen it again…for some third or fourth time…the same level of energy I feel…the same level of vibration in my heart and the same level of anxiety….and everything every feeling same…and every emotions same…as I have read it..
Reading with full of feelings and emotions….
P.S. ( I am in tears….again….same feelings when I had heard this for first time)
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